A Healthy Dose of Distance

The Roman poet Sextus wrote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” As we round the corner on a year since quarantine began, many of us can relate to this proverb. If prolonged contact with loved ones has tested your relationships, know that you are not alone. Distance in relationships, both physical and emotional, are natural and a key part of fostering strong, healthy relationships.

Moderation is Key

Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. With solitude comes reflection, and with reflection comes gratitude, thus fostering love.

When viewing a good film, you rarely acknowledge its quality until it comes to an end. You most likely are too engrossed in the plot to be analyzing your feelings on the film. It is only when the film has concluded that you can begin to appreciate the work as a whole.

Relationships are the same. When in the presence of a loved one, you rarely analyze your feelings towards them. Maybe you are engaging in conversation or studying their actions. In the absence of their presence, however, you begin to notice all the ways in which you miss them.

If issues arise and you feel that added distance and boundaries have failed to improve your relationship, you may want to consider couples therapy or family counseling.

The Stigmas of Long-Distance Relationships

Another common proverb that may have come to mind is, “out of sight, out of mind.” Of course, too much distance can bring about its own set of problems. As mentioned before, moderation is key.

Sometimes obstacles out of your control may force distance between you and a loved one. It is crucial to keep lines of communication open. Long-distance relationships have been stigmatized in pop culture as most films and television shows often depict the relationship failing. In reality, long-distance relationships can work if both you and your partner are committed to healthy levels of communication and are prepared to sacrifice physical contact and connection for a period of time.

Demographic Distance vs. Temporal Distance

In relationships, there are two kinds of distances:

Temporal distance is intermittent and usually lasts no more than a few days. Some examples being a spouse’s weekend trip for a work conference or a friend going on a short-term vacation. Temporal distances can be healthy for relationships, giving you a brief period of reflection.

Demographic distance, on the other hand, is a physical separation from a relationship that lasts anywhere from a few months to a few years. Some examples of demographic distances are a partner traveling out of state to attend college or having to relocate due to a job opportunity. Demographic distances can be challenging, and it is important to prioritize communication to stay connected with that individual.

Benefits of Distance in Relationships

Allows room for you and your partner to have your own perspectives and life independent of each other
Encourages you and your partner to engage in interests and hobbies that may have been part of your life before the relationship
Provides room for personal growth and development, establishing a strong sense of self

Relationships are hard work. Have you ever derived joy without having to put in a little elbow grease? If you feel that your relationship with a loved one may be struggling, reach out to schedule an appointment with our licensed therapists for marriage counseling, relationship counseling, or couples therapy. At Marriage and Family Services, we pledge to provide you with the most dedicated, professional, and caring service possible.